So Apparently Four Wasn't Our Lucky Number.

Years ago, I fantasized about being the woman who realized in a moment of panic and elation that she could not remember the last time she had a period and rushed to the store at 5am to buy a pregnancy test. See, I was a healthy 20 something who married my high school boyfriend and struggled for years with infertility and miscarriages for unknown reasons. Seeing multiple doctors and spending years in increments of 28 days  (14 really, 2 weeks of meds and procedures and 2 weeks of waiting),  I longed for that day that I would sit and wait 3 minutes to see the second line.
And then suddenly within weeks of my 30th birthday, it happened. My dad had passed in August and Matt and I had decided to take a break from the doctors. It was becoming a financial strain, I wasn't mentally strong enough for another miscarriage, and quite frankly we felt like we needed to start accepting that we just may always be a family of 2 (my 30th birthday had been an agreed cut off date to trying). The Monday after Thanksgiving, I just felt a need to test. No symptoms, nothing just a need to test. And it was positive. Now some may say, see you just needed to quit trying. I always hated that statement, it is ridiculous and almost cruel to say. The reality is I still had a large amount of drugs in my system and on top of that was taking out a lot of my emotions on the treadmill, eating healthy and taking my meds sending my hormonal levels into the healthiest levels I had ever been in. I was monitored for weeks and then sent on my way to a regular ob/gyn. This appeared to be a normal pregnancy and it was. Maggie Leigh was born in August 2007, full term, healthy, and clearly pissed that we made her vacate her warm and toasty abode.
3 years later, on my birthday I puked at an IHOP because of the pot roast picture in the menu. I had been ignoring the exhaustion and occasional nauseousness for about a week. I was stretched pretty thin with the holidays and thought I was just fighting a bug. But on the way home, Matt ran into the Rite Aid, bought a test, and we went home to get the best birthday gift ever. This pregnancy was not easy. There were problems in the beginning and I saw the Dr 3 times a week for shots, bloodwork, and ultrasounds. Once we were over that issue, more tumbled into our laps. If it could happen during a pregnancy, it happened to me. But we survived and Jack Thomas was born in August of 2010, full term but not healthy. My sweet baby boy lacked the ability to breath properly and they also suspected he had an infection. So he spent a week in the NICU, hooked to a CPAP and IV's, being poked and prodded as they looked for an answer. And they never found one and that is okay by us because he got better and we brought him home, happy and healthy ever since.
During that pregnancy, we decided he would be the last. It was a hard and long pregnancy and I didn't think I wanted to do it again. But it didn't take us long after his arrived (I think our 1st conversation on the subject was within hours of his arrival) to realize that we didn't feel done. So we opted to give it a year and a half and see what happens, no meds, no calendars, just live life. And if nothing had happened by my 35th birthday, we would call it and Matt would get the old snip snip.
So towards the end of February, I started to get all the symptoms. Keep in mind that I have been pregnant 7 times, I know when I am pregnant. So frankly I wasn't that shocked when on Feb. 28th, a day after Jack turned 6 months old, I got a second line. Although Matt may have had a minor heart attack. And yesterday at our 1st appt, we saw Baby Ziggy's little heartbeat, a great sign that greatly diminishes your chance of miscarriage. I am hoping for a great pregnancy. All of the problems I had with Jack will present themselves again but this time we will be prepared and that is half the battle.
How can I begin to understand why when most women are in their fertility prime, I couldn't get and maintain a pregnancy to save my life? And now, when my chances should be diminishing, I can't stop getting pregnant? I don't know, I don't want to know. I just want to enjoy the ride!